My Immortal REVISED AND EDITED
by ThatBritishWannaBe
Summary: Not exactly commentary, but rather fixed up. Only an experiment.


**ThatBritishWannabe's Note:**I don't exactly remember how I found this story, but I thought I would give it a try. The farthest I can go with slang is actually 'yo' and 'wannabe' and 'yeah' (which I'm getting out of the habit, especially when talking to adults). Luckily, I've studied and mastered in the language of _inorance, stupidity, _and _retardation._ I'm actually pretty fluent in it, not to be arrogant, as I am surrounded by those with the native tongue. You'll be quite surprised the expressions they use that can be translated into proper English. For example, the word _hype_ translates into excited, so the expression _I'm so hype_ means I'm so excited. Or that _cunt _and_ pussy_ translates into annoying/rude person and a coward instead of meaning vagina and cat. Hears the best one: head translates into a blow job instead of the thing on your neck where your brain is in. I've tried to speak slang before, but I just so stupid I can't. Anyhow, this is just an experiment. Also, if anyone has the link to the story, that would wonderful thank you. I'll keep the original on the top, and my edit on the bottom

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><p>AN: Special fangz<em><em>(get it, coz Im goffik)_**. **_2 my gf (ew not in that way)_**. **_raven, bloodytearz666 __4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)__with purple streaks__and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears __and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da h*** out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major f***ing hottie.__I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.__I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, __black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining__so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.__

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Special thanks to my best girlfriend Raven (bloodytearz666) for helping me with the story and spelling. You rock! Justin, my dear, you are the love of my ever so depressing life, so you rock too! The band MRC rocks! Also, if you do not know who Amy Lee is, stop reading right now.

Hi, my name is Ebony Dark'ess Dementia Raven Way. My hair is of an ebony black shade (primarily the reason as to why my name is Ebony); it is long with purple highlights fading into red at the tips. Because of this, and a combination of my extremely light blue eyes, I am often confused with Amy Lee. I'm also very pale. In case you're wondering. I'm actually not related to Gerard Way, but in some cases I wish I was. He's very attractive, and who wouldn't a brother like that anyway?

The truth is I'm a vampire; however, since my father is a wizard, making me part-witch, I've decided to attend Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry in Scotland. Since I'm seventeen, I'm seventh year (I could have been held back you know). If my hints weren't enough, I'm a goth, so I mostly wear black. I love the American store _Hot Topic_ so I order all my clothing from there (too bad there's not one here in the UK). For example, today I wore a black miniskirt, a black corset (with matching lace), and black combat boots. My makeup consisted of black lipstick, white foundation powder, black eyeliner, and _bloody_ red eye shadow. As I walked around Hogwarts, I notice sleet was falling, and it pleased me very much; the best part of it: there is no sun out today! Unfortunately, a group of preppy schoolmates gave me weird stares, so my middle finger stared back.

"Hey Ebony!" I heard my name being shouted. Surprisingly enough, it was Draco Malfoy.

"What's up Draco?" I responded.

"Nothing..." If I had been drinking water, it would have quickly escaped my mouth along with a lot of coughing. Did he sound _shy_? However, before I had the chance to reply, I was called by my friends, and didn't even get the chance to say goodbye.

**Author's Note: **Is it good? Please tell me! Thanks!

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><p><strong>ThatBritishWannabe's Note:<strong> Hopefully, it recovered some of your brain cells.


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